I'm Doing Good/ I'm On Some New Shit

saying yes instead of no

I started this month with a great attitude. I know people hate January, but it doesn’t usually get to me personally. I like the cold, I like the quiet, I like the relatively empty calendar after months of amped up social engagements. But somewhere around the middle of the month, I started to feel bogged down. Depressed in the way that doesn’t require medication or intervention, but gently permeates all areas of your life, so that everything feels like a slog.

The political news out of the US didn’t help. Neither did the post-Christmas stress at home as we all went back to work and school and realized we’d spent all our money in December, as usual. Plus I was hit with the reality of a heavy re-write that I need to do on my second book. Though I normally enjoy a writing-related challenge, this one felt overwhelming before I even started.

Basically, I would get out of bed in the morning and immediately think longingly of the time when I would get back in at night.

But then last week, finally, I had some moments where I took a deep breath and realized that I didn’t feel bad. And slowly, like a coffee spill spreading through a paper napkin, that feeling of “okay” seeped into the other moments of my life and I started to feel like myself again. Aware of the horrors, but not crushed by despair.

Two things helped, and I can link them both under the theme of creativity, mine and other people’s.

The first thing was I worked on a quilt. In late 2024 I’d been feeling the urge to sew again, specifically to sew quilts. I’ve written before about my love of quilting, but I hadn’t been in the practice of doing it regularly for over a decade. Resisting my usual drive to have a firm plan in place for a project, I collected colourful scraps from thrift shops for a while and started cutting them into small squares. When the holidays came around I had some free time to sit at my sewing machine, sewing two squares together, then four, then eight, then sixteen. I burned through an audiobook as I pieced squares, no final design or destination in mind for this project, just the joy of making something with my hands. As the new year arrived, I had the quilt top completed and the layers basted together, so I was able to get started on my favourite part, quilting by hand.

For the non-quilters in the crowd, this is where you stitch through the top of the quilt, the batting, and the bottom layer of fabric. It holds the quilt together and it’s what gives quilts their “quilty” look. Most people I know who make quilts do this with their sewing machine, but I have always loved doing it by hand. It’s not for everyone. It can involve blood and swearing and it takes a long time. It’s also beautiful and soothing and requires a flow state of focus and repetition that is really helpful when big things seem overwhelming. As I worked on the quilt, playing records or audiobooks as background noise, I started to feel better.

A lot of my creative work over the last few years has involved some degree of consideration about “sales”. Which is a part of having a book published. Everyone involved in that adventure would like as many people as possible to read the book. That involves a lot of thinking about how to make the book interesting to readers. There’s no science to it, and it’s not even really the author’s job, but its shadow hangs over the creative process.

Making this quilt had no such shadow. I decided early on that I was going to keep it for myself, something I realized I’d never actually done before. So it didn’t matter who else liked it. And it wouldn’t be for sale so it didn’t matter if anyone wanted to buy it. This work, the slow piecing and stitching and arranging of squares, was just for me. It was -to use a word that makes me cringe in a way that should probably be discussed with a therapist- healing.

On a completely different side of things, I have also started watching the British TV show Taskmaster. Yes, one minute I’m thoughtfully guiding thread through fabric to engage in a craft that has been around for hundreds of years, and the next I’m in bed with the dog watching comedians try to give a robot commands that don’t include the letters “o” or “e” and dumping plates of fortune cookies into hot sauce. I contain multitudes.

Taskmaster is one of the silliest and most joyful programs I’ve ever seen on TV. Low stakes, high humour, absolutely addictive. I love a show that follows a predictable structure and this one fits the bill. Every show is built the same way, with different challenges given to the cast each episode. Like so many great shows, it gets funnier the more you watch. I have known about it for so long but put off actually watching it, so now it is like the universe has given me a gift, with 18 seasons of it on YouTube and the next one (with my current favourite comedy person, Jason Mantzoukas, in the cast) set to start soon.

Watching Taskmaster and making quilts have both reminded me that creativity is one thing that really helps to get us through tough times. Making things just for the sake of making them, watching people do purely silly and amazing challenges, and feeling joy, are like secret weapons. They can help us build skills and resilience and learn to think more creatively in general which is required when you’re trying to make change in a world that is going in an unpleasant direction. Problems don’t get solved if people don’t think creatively.

And also, when I look at the current president of the United States and his weird group of billionaire buddies I can’t picture any of them doing anything fun that isn’t connected to profit or revenge or self aggrandizement. Which makes me think about how the best groups of people I’ve ever been involved with were the exact opposite. Zine makers who sell their mags for $2 and sometimes give them out for free because they just want people to read their words. Punks who make non-profit magazines and put on shows and make podcasts. Amateur comedians who want to get really good at writing jokes. Musicians who write songs and play them just because they want to. I’m not saying people shouldn’t get paid for their art (that’s a whole other essay). I’m just saying that the joy of creativity that is not driven by profit and capitalism is a form of resistance that is keeping me afloat right now. Sometimes it’s hard to remember how good it feels. I’m always happy to be reminded.

January 2025 - How To Help - consumption edition

I am a life-long thrift store shopper and one thing I will tell you is that second hand stores right now are so full of stuff, it is absolutely wild. (And sometimes depressing because who is buying all this shit from Shein and then donating it with the tags still on?) One way to reduce overall consumption is to buy things second hand. It’s not a way to solve all the world’s problems, but it is a way to ensure that you playing a tiny part in reducing the need for more stuff, new stuff, all the time. (I know its a privilege to shop second hand, I am a mobile person with a car and enough free time to do it, so no shade to anyone who can’t). Anyway, in case anyone is able, but still hesitant to shop for used goods here is a short list of Things I’m Never Buying New Again because they are so very available second hand:

-water bottles - seriously every kind of water bottle imaginable is at your local thrift shop. My kids lose or destroy water bottles on what seems like a daily basis, so I replace them with second hand ones.

-dishes in general but specifically mugs, teapots, pitchers, drinking glasses, serving bowls, cutlery. (why would someone have to replace drinking glasses and dishes frequently, you may ask. See above re: kids.)

-so many kinds of clothing. My winter coat, my winter boots, my pajamas, my sweaters, my beloved oversized plaid button-down shirts are all second hand scores. I look for items that are made from cotton, wool, or linen, and that are higher quality. These are getting harder to find, but it’s worth the hunt.

-any kind of home decor including holiday decorations. Honestly there is so much of this stuff. Like, shelves and shelves of it. No one ever needs to manufacture a Christmas candle holder or a wooden picture frame ever again.

-home items. Sure, you may feel weird about buying second hand sheets and towels, but just wash them, it’s fine. I promise. I love my vintage 70’s flowered pillow cases and my linen tea towels advertising UK tourist destinations, but you can find plainer and more modern things too.

January 2025 - Songs

I love the entire Resistance Revival Chorus album, but a few tracks stand out to me in light of recent events. These songs sound like the kinds of joyful/powerful singing that happens during protests and marches and I’m so into that. Anyway, a current fave is Ella’s Song.

As I work through edits on my as-yet-unnamed country music book, I’ve been leaning heavily on Maggie Antone for musical inspiration. She has a great country voice and her songwriting is top notch. Everyone But You is a perfect song for one of my main characters.

January 2025 - Feelings

This newsletter is already very long, so congratulations if you’ve made it this far. I’ll make the book recommendations brief this month.

Mismatched by Anne Camlin is a YA graphic novel re-telling of Emma with a queer, male main character as the lead. Who knew that the petty dramas of Austen’s book translate perfectly to a modern high school and its Gay Straight Alliance? Anyone who knows the beats of the original story will be delighted by how this rolls out. The drawing style is also great. I had a fabulous time with this one.

Books Can Be Deceiving by Jenn McKinlay is the first in a series (a long series, up to 15 books now) of cosy mysteries about a librarian in a small coastal town where it seems there is a lot of murder. I’ve only read two and a half books in the series so I’m not sure how she keeps the murders going in the later books. This is not challenging literature, because who wants challenging literature in January anyway? This is a series for binging on audiobook from the library that you listen to while gently completing some mundane task like walking on a treadmill or making soup.

Thanks for reading! See you next month.

J.W.

Instagram : @JenniferWhitefordWrites

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